Talking about death with kids can feel overwhelming.
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if I make it worse?
What if I scare them?
In this episode of But the Years Are Short, Meagan and Katie walk through how to help kids understand death and grief in developmentally appropriate ways — without panic, pressure, or perfect language.
We normalize why kids (especially ages 6–8) suddenly become obsessed with questions about death, how their brains are developing, and what they’re actually looking for when they ask those big questions.
We also talk about:
Why kids make up their own stories if we don’t give them one
How to create a “family story” about death
What language to avoid (and why)
How to respond when your child worries about you dying
What healthy grief looks like over time
When to seek extra support
How to hold your child’s grief while you’re grieving too
And maybe most importantly:
It’s not perfect wording that heals. It’s connection.
🧠Key Takeaways
Kids are naturally egocentric — if they don’t understand something, they fill in the blanks (and often blame themselves).
Ages 6–8 is when children begin to understand the permanence of death — questions increase during this stage.
Avoid vague phrases like “went to sleep” or “we lost them.”
Be honest, concrete, and developmentally appropriate.
Grief isn’t just about death — it also shows up in divorce, moves, illness, and big life changes.
Frequency and intensity of distress should decrease over time — if not, consider additional support.
Your kids feelings aren't yours to fix, and your feelings aren't THEIRS to fix.
đź’¬ Helpful Scripts
“That makes sense. You’re having a lot of feelings.”
“It’s okay to ask that question again.”
“I don’t have all the answers, but we can talk about it together.”
“My feelings are my job. Your job is to be a kid.”
If this episode helped you, share it with a friend who might need it.
And remember: the goal isn’t perfect answers — it’s being a safe place.